To all the girls I have loved before...(not that way)

This is my weak attempt to say thanks to all the girls in my life. There is no particular order or ranking just random comments. Not the ones I have slept with (well one of them I have..wink wink R.) Thanks, I have received more from you than all the men I have known.
First my daughters, you taught me to play again and to have a kind word for tender feelings ( I struggle with the kind words but I am trying).
My mother for spoiling me forever on what it means to love with out any reservations**(come back to that later). God rest your soul
My sister Mia for being the coolest person I knew growing up (music, clothes, so damn cool it hurt, literally got beat up for being related to her..NO SHIT).
My maternal grandmother Mama Grace, for smelling so good all the time and for always having a big soft lap to sit on, candy to give out and for making my bed everytime you came over God rest your soul.
My paternal grandmother Granny, for giving me shelter, and many recipes. Most of all for giving my father shelter when the WHOLE world had enough of his shit.
My Aunt Joann for having the testicular (not literally mind you) fortitude to stand-up to my step-dad when he would berate/belittle/mentally abuse my poor sweet mother. Also for having the son who taught me so much..(I will never forget Stevie Marshall Blackman. tattoo is coming)
Miss Futrell for sparking in me the interest in our nation's history, and her cool old house, and last but not least the friendship she shared with my mother.
My mother-in-law Mary for having faith in my relationship with her daughter, keeping my kids and never asking for or accepting monetary reward.
Mama Lane for bannana pudding, and for my buddy "Rebel"
My sisters 3 girls for giving her much needed joy. I never knew she could be so happy...
My younger sister for making even my tattooed body not so shocking..
My ex-wife for showing me that not all women are worthy of respect. That bitch taught me a very valuable lesson.
Most of all my wife Robyn, my angel, my safety net, my shepard. So many years younger than me but so much wiser, the 2nd person who taught me to love with NO reservations (told ya I'd get back to that). The mother of my favorite person on the planet (my boy Hiett). My best friend, my lover, the reason I am still alive.

To all the girls I have loved before, thank you and I love you all (except the ex-wife, the only person I have ever HATED..sorry mama) still to this day.

39 years don't feel so old..

Well I turned 39 today. Yippee!?!?! Well not really, I am just happy to have made it this far. I have traveled the world, gone through the most wicked of divorce's, fallen in love at first sight 3 times (birth of my oldest daughter, meeting my current wife, and the birth of my son). Flirted with death a couple of times, and had tons of fun. Yet I still feel that I haven't done enough in my 39 years. I think that if I died today I would have so much left undone, yet I think of a person who died just about 9 months short of their 39th, and I try to put myself in that person's shoes and think how short her life really was. About all the things she longed to see (travel more, grandbabies, weddings, graduations) and I seem to remember this person staring death in the face for over 2 years and going toe to toe with the OLE' Reaper and holding her own. How brave to know you are going to die(very soon I might add, not years away or not knowing when) and deep down inside knowing you cannot win the fight, but fighting the good fight never the less. Never showing your weakness to the ones who need you most. I have outlived my mother and some would say she deserved wayyyy better than I, but like the song says " The good die young" never a truer word was said. I hope there is an afterlife because I want to see her face again, to hold her hand, to tell her all about what she missed. But if there is just black emptiness and a cold dark ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Then I will say it now. I love you Mama and I have missed you EVERYDAY SINCE JANUARY 15th 1985. But I would not have my family and children if you had of made it past 39 and I know now that we weren't punished by your leaving so soon, I have traveled, cheated death, fallen in love and am truly now in the calm of my life all because you were taken away. My path was altered by your passing and now I see it all so clear. 38 years was long enough for you to put us on our way.. Your work was done, thanks. 39 ain't so old and I can't wait for 40...

How could you not?? No excuse is acceptable

I often sit and look at my kids while they are at play, working on school, eating, or just sleeping. One lives away with her Mom so time is valuable, one isn't "biologically mine" and the other is my mini-me. I wonder how the world looks to them and I try my best to remember how much the little things matter when you are a child. Can we go swimming? Can we have junk food for a meal? Can I have this or that at the store? My tummy hurts, my homework is too hard! So and so at school said this or said that? ( I have two girls and believe me the peers opinion is very important to them). Can we stay up late? All these are very very meaningful things to children and make for quite dramatic moments.
I always try to listen and always try to make myself available, although with the girls it is tough as they don't open up much, and well the little one thinks the whole world was created for his amusement. But I always try to make sure they know that I LOVE THEM!!
I live life a little close to the edge what with my love for two-wheeled death machines, and a penchant for alcohol, but if I should leave tomorrow or today my children will know that I love them. My wife and my ex-wife will testify to my undying love for my kids.
It is the cross that I bear, I will make sure my kids know that their Daddy loves them very much. I guess it stems from my own childhood when I spent the better part of 20 years only knowing for sure that there was one person who loved me. My mother..So many days spent questioning why? Through painful days of emotional abuse by my step-father and by complete and utter abandon by my bio-father. They say the guilt of his addiction/lifestyle kept him away, well that is complete BULLSHIT. NOTHING WOULD KEEP ME FROM MY KIDS...NOTHING. I made my peace with dear old Dad before the Reaper claimed his tainted soul, and the step-dad I abandoned him much like my father did me. Now some will say he kept in touch, a birthday card every now and again, a visit to cry on my Mother's shoulder, and him and my oldest sister stayed close. But for all intents and purposes he gave me up to the wind. How could you do that? Now that my son is 2 years old I have yet to spend a night away from him, I will not let him spend the night at grandma's because I never want him to awaken and not know that his Daddy is more than a few feet away. How could you not???No excuse is acceptable...I fell in love with my babies the second they were born and I will never ever use any excuse for not doing my part and being in their lives no matter what the cost...

A man I know...

I know this guy, and by most standards of today's world some would say he is not a "successfull" man. His clothes are worn and some are used, he gets his hair cut @ home (usually while a child is watching), his shoes are scuffed, his vehicles are quite used. This man has done something for the past 20 years that most in America can't do for 7. His job history is spotty at best, but when the time called for it he volunteered to serve his country. His habits are not the best, but they are legal. His physique is not work-out tuned, but he never complains about being really sick. His children won't be going to a big-name university but they are the smartest kids in their whole damn neighborhood. He didn't do all the right things while his oldest was growing up but I dare say she is the most well-rounded mature 18 year old I have every met ( I am 39 so I have met a few).
No folks this guy might not win some TV contest or be on the nightly news for his endeavors, he might have to rob Peter to pay Paul some weeks, but he has maintained a marriage for 20 years (how many men can say that shit???!!?? ), and he has raised/is raising 3 beautiful girls to be smart, savvy, moral (yea I said morals, anybody remember those). HE PROUDLY SERVED in the United States Marine Corps (The Proud/The Few not just an advertising gimmick, I have been there with them too, The Proud/The Few really applies)..
So I have been guilty in the past of judging this man by his wallett and his ambition, but when it really comes down to it..I admire him very much, this man is my brother-in-law John Evans and I AM DAMN PROUD TO KNOW HIM...

So the next time YOU find yourself judging (and knowing that I am probably the only one to read this) stop and really think about it. Just because we don't have all the things that are supposed to be important in this life..some of us are rich beyond measure. And remember "Life isn't having what you want, it is wanting what you have".

Just went through the fires of Hell here at work. Boss tried to strong arm me into filing some silly-workman's comp paperwork over a very minor accident at work that I volunteered to handle myself on my own terms. Pre-existing condition and she wanted to flex her Power and make it into wayyyyy worse than it was..It ended up with me turning in a resignation, then getting a very private phonecall from the CEO and then me getting my job back...Well the local boss turned it into her own private celebration as she thinks she was the one to get the CEO involved but in reality it was the guys I work with who went to bat for me and in spite of her pitiful attempts to be a "Bad-ass" and to flex her muscles etc...she is headed for a nice suprise...More later..Oh by the way my wonderful wife of 5 years (the one that matter's not the first) stood by me the whole time and if I had walked away from my job (pretty kick ass job at that) she was in my corner the whole time...What is it with power that corrupts our poor human psyche??? Some people equate a job title at work as real power and they do not realize that respect, leadership, and true power to influence is an earned reward and does not get issued with a paycheck or a corner office or a fancy business card.....Later all..

What if?

Funny thing, living in Great state of Georgia (in which we have the weekly lottery) I am often tempted to stop by the local Quickie Mart and pick up lottery tickets from time to time. Now I am not talking about alot of $$ just a couple of bucks when the Jackpot is real high. So we entered a discussion at my workplace about how we would spend the winnings and how we would spend our time. My response is always the same, I really wouldn't care about what I could or could not buy or where I could travel to (5 years in the U.S. Navy cured my traveling jones), what I would most enjoy is letting the money build up in the bank and to spend everyday just hanging out with my kids. Taking them to school, eating lunch, staying long lazy summer days at the pool or the beach. Just to be there full time with them would be worth more than any ol' Jackpot. Having the financial security to never have to leave them for 40+ hours a week would be so nice. Now I know what some people might say.." It only 40 hours, my career is too important, I need the interaction with adults...etc..blah blah blah. Look at the state of our youth in our country and tell me parents ACTUALLY spend enough time with their kids..NOT>>>> As a person whose childhood was marked by the early death of both my parents (different times but too soon never the less) I have learned to relish the thought of hanging with my kids, now wouldn't that be sweet? So I try to always keep them in my thoughts when I am planning my time off, and I try to make plenty of time for just being us and for being together..All for now!

Just one man's words

Not real sure about starting this but having an outlet to put thoughts/experiences into words for others to see has always appealed to me. I want to share my joy of raising my kids, the addiction to motorcycles and the concerns I have for the future of earth and most notably the future of the world my kids will live in. Well here goes.....